Sugar and Spice and all things nice

What are little boys made of?

What are little boys made of?

Slugs and snails

And puppy-dogs' tails,

That's what little boys are made of.

What are little girls made of?

What are little girls made of?

Sugar and spice

And everything nice,

That's what little girls are made of

The author of this classic nursery rhyme obviously hasn't been watching my daughter and her peers at play in the village playground after school this week! I don't know if its something in the water or tiredness or what but its been quite nasty out there when they are supposed to be having fun.

There has been name calling, teasing and from my daughter even spitting going on. It's involving various girls aged from 6-8 who seem in pairs or individually to being nasty to others. Normally it is a pleasant place to spend some time after school (weather permitting) as the parents/grandparents can sit and chat safe in the knowledge that their children are safely playing around them. Now some parents are avoiding the place and I'm thinking about not taking my 2 for a bit (especially as my daughter seems to be in the middle of most of the argy bargy...). 


The question is "is just a short phase" and the girls will naturally stop soon? Or are we going to have to develop coping strategies and preventative measures to nip it in the bud? My daughter is generally a lovely girl but sometimes she loses the plot and I have to remove her or find ways to punish her behaviour. The spitting thing is something of a recent development and one that definitely needs to be stopped now as its not only disgusting but distressing to lots of people. 


I'm not saying that the boys are perfect but they seem to have a minor spat and then are friends again very quickly! They seem to vent with with a short burst of physical violence but not the names and hurtful words the girls use. 


This is definitely a very stressful parenting time and I hope for my sanity its short lived! What sort of strategies have been successful for you as parents?

Reasons to be Cheerful XI (#R2BC)

All this rain and wind could really get a person down as it is miserable and just gets in the way of all sorts of things... but I am still finding plenty to be upbeat and positive about.
1) Freebies and good service
I had cause to send my nearly new MacBook power supply back to Apple for replacement as it was faulty. Due a combination of misunderstandings and Apple mistakes I was billed the cost of a replacement. A long phone conversation on Monday ensued to resolve the issue. The very nice Shaun from KTD Computers verified to Apple that I had only bought the replacement in January so I was refunded and offered compensation. On Tuesday I took delivery of a shiny new iPod Shuffle as an apology! It really does pay to politely complain about something...

2) My kids behaviour
Never underestimate the power of a sticker chart! My kids are getting better at going to bed nicely, getting dressed in the morning and doing chores etc thanks to a new sticker chart. Pocket money will now be based on the number of stickers they each "earn" and not just given on a monthly basis. It will be interesting to see their reactions when they actually see how much they get...

3) Family fun
Yesterday we all had a fab time at my son's nursery BBQ. It was the only day for a week it didn't rain (small miracle!) and there was a huge turn out of children with their parents, grandparents and siblings. The chair of governors had organised a walking treasure trail which took us on a tour of the local area including Serpentine Woods to answer the questions. My kids worked together as a good team most of the time! Then it was back to the nursery for burgers and sausages from Plumgarths - delicious. Great to have a nice relaxing time with my kids.

A Return to the YES Jar

Back in October I posted about starting to use a Yes Jar to help modify my daughter's behaviour. I have to admit it didn't get off to a great start with more No tickets than Yes tickets going in but it did start to help.

Over Christmas I got a bit slack in enforcing the tickets going in the jar or having to be taken out to gain a treat or computer time. A couple of weeks ago I agreed with my daughter to start over again by taking all the old tickets out and starting with a clean slate. Interestingly there appeared to be more No ones in the jar than Yes ones...


I think the fresh campaign is more effective than the initial one. Sometimes just me saying if you don't do X right now I'll put a No in the jar has made her do something I've asked. She also likes collecting Yes tickets for getting herself and ready properly in the morning without me nagging.


I do think its a very effective tool as long as I remember to use it! What has worked for you?

The sound of silence

My house was very quiet today, there wasn't the sound of children playing/fighting/watching TV. After a week of us all being at home together it seemed very strange! For all of us it was quite a relief to go our separate ways at the school/nursery doors this morning and get on with our normal lives. 


As much as I love my children their inability to spend more than about 15 minutes playing together without fighting is hard work! A combination of limited budget and poor weather meant that we spent rather too much time cooped up in our small house. We did manage a trip to the cinema to see Tangled, a day out in Keswick and a trip to Morecambe:

But we had to spend the majority of time in each other's company and with the consequence of arguments and fights. The only time they could stay with each other was when they were sitting watching a movie or TV. 


I am so hoping that the next holidays at Easter 1) have better weather so we can be outdoors and not on top of each other 2) my kids will learn to get along better! For now I'm just going to enjoy the fact that I now have 2.5 days a week with no children at home and I can enjoy the peace and quiet...

Eating out with children

There was a fascinating article on the BBC News Magazine site yesterday discussing whether small children should be allowed in restaurants. As they pointed out there are two main sides to this story:


1) people who want to enjoy a nice quiet adult meal out


2) parents who want to enjoy a meal out with their children


So the question is how do you balance the two sides? Is it down to the first group of people to only dine in child free zones or up to parents to make sure they only go to child orientated restaurants?


As a parent I want my children growing up knowing how to behave appropriately in all sorts of situations. This means both at home and when out and about. I am trying to instill in them the basic rules of behaviour when eating:

• sitting in their chairs properly
• using cutlery
• not being rowdy
• keeping the food on the plate and not throwing it around!

From a very early age I have taken my children to various places to eat ranging from McDonalds to pub chains to curry houses. These all have varying degrees of child friendliness associated with them but I expect my children to maintain an acceptable level of behaviour. Being on my own now it can be harder to make sure that both children are not getting bored or misbehaving but it is possible. I find it very gratifying when the behaviour of my children is complemented by diners at other tables (not that they are perfect!!).

My children can drive me nuts

I love my children dearly but sometimes they push over the boundaries and make me quite angry with them. Today they could have done with listening to the sermon in church as one of the verses was:

Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord. Col. 3:20

This comes in the same chapter as the controversial Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. My friend and I did exchange funny looks at that bit and the minister was at great pains to water this one down. Basically the sermon summed up that if we are devoted to our spouse/children and show them love then they will wish to please us. 

My children decided to prove this one wrong this afternoon....

We went from church into the town centre to the good old cheap shoe shop Shoe Zone. On Saturday we had browsed in there as I desperately need a pair of boots and they are the only affordable shop on my budget. I rashly promised that when I came back today with more money that we could all try on some shoes/boots. My son and I were successful in finding pairs of inexpensive boots that fitted well. My daughter kept asking for new boots but as I'd let her spend all her birthday money on an expensive pair last month I refused. She then targeted the shiny party shoes, at £7.99-9.99 I was quite prepared to let her have a pair..... but as she is currently a 12.5 with skinny feet she couldn't get any of them to fit properly (no half sizes!). She desperately tried on every single pair but to no avail and I refused to buy them. So she sat down in the middle of the shop and had a screaming tantrum.

The YES jar - early days

After comparing notes on stroppy primary age girls with the lovely Cheryl at MommyPants I have decided to try and follow her paediatrician's suggestion of a Yes Jar for my 7 year old. She likes to do things her way and doesn't always like to do what I need her to do - not always good for mummy/daughter relations!


The Yes Jar is a simple concept:

• when child is doing what you asked / exhibiting good behaviour a slip of paper with YES on it goes in the jar
• when the child doesn't do what you asked / exhibits bad behaviour a slip of paper with NO on it goes in the jar, no other sanction given
• when the child wants a treat - TV, computer time, naughty snack a slip of paper is picked from the jar. The more YES's in the jar the more likely they are to get their treat!

Is the honeymoon over?

Since I came back from my enforced divorce trip down south my daughter has not been herself at all. She has:

• been more bolshy, 
• been attention seeking at school, 
• been in trouble at school for hitting other children, 
• has had to be dragged out from under my bed to go to school
• has had major temper tantrums
• told me she was lying about liking her new school she "hates it"

Her teacher has asked me to have a meeting about her to discuss the issue. This is more like she was behaving before we moved.

Attitude or Emotion?

My 6 year old daughter's behaviour is driving me round the twist even more than normal since her brother came back from his holiday away. She is doing lots of things that are either her just going through a phase or as a result of what she is going through. It is very hard to tell which and therefore how to deal with them!


Her attitude is more 13 than 6 with her not listening to what I say, stropping about things and doing things her way. Lying is a more regular occurrence - sometimes for the right reasons but more often to try and get out of trouble. She has cut her hair and her clothes - including a brand new top. From somewhere she has picked up spitting in mine or her brother's face when not getting her way.


Emotionally its like a roller coaster and with her being a good actress its not always possible to tell if its real or false. When her dad first left she was very clingy but this had eased off. It is now back in force. One day this week I said goodbye at school before assembly but not afterwards (well I'd already done it once!). Apparently once she realised I'd gone she hid underneath a table and cried most of the morning. When I came back at lunch she was right as rain with no sign of anything having happened.


Whenever there is a suitable replacement "father figure" around she engages in very physical play with them. This is true even when she doesn't know them very well and I ask her to stop! There are plenty of bemused men in my social circle at the moment luckily many are dads themselves and can cope but I need to get her to moderate this.


I am not sure how much of this will stop once the stress of moving is done and dusted and how much will carry on in the longer term. I don't want her getting a reputation at her new school as her current one know what a delightful child she is most of the time. All I can do is tell her I love her and praise the positive lovely side and try and ignore the minority bad.

It's hard at the weekend

not that it's easy during the week but single parenting at the weekend is a whole new level..


It seems that everywhere you go when you are out that everyone else is in nice little family units of mum & dad plus kids - this may not be the case but it looks that way! From Monday to Friday the things I do tend to be just mum's or the occasional dad or grandparent. Compact family units don't do school runs or toddler groups on the whole...


My kids have to cope with each other's company for 12 hours solid. They can go for about an hour of playing nicely together and then one or other of the upsets the other. We end up with shouting & fighting and usually someone needing a cold compress. I can leave them playing together but as soon as I pop to the loo or go to get a meal ready WW3 breaks out in the other room.


If I try and take turns at giving each of them some undivided mummy time the 3 year old doesn't get the fact that his big sister is allowed to have mummy to herself for a few minutes each day. So it ends up with her only getting me to herself after he has supposedly gone to bed - and even then he keeps coming back for more.


When we go out for a treat its a real minefield. I can't trust them to be left on their own at a table whilst I go and order drinks etc., if one needs the loo we all have to go. Yesterday I finally caved in to little ones request to go on the dodgems. This meant I have to leave a screaming 6 year old watching from the side as neither child is tall enough to go on without a grown up. Needless to say we won't be repeating that one! They each have to take turns watching the other one do something whilst I hold their hand. This is when their age gap stands out more as they want to do different things.


If another grown up is around it is so much easier as we can divide and conquer. I can catch 15 minutes of me time to draw breath. I can also let my poor 6 year old have time with me without her little brother butting in and causing chaos.


We do have fun and I love spending time with my kids but I look forward to weekdays when I don't have them both all day and it's much more relaxing. Here's hoping that the Incredible Years parenting course I've started will help both me & the kids learn to have fun with out all the aggro!

See we do have fun together!

It isn't all bad but I wish it was a lot less stressful...

I'm forever blowing bubbles...

... pretty bubbles in the air....

My day started really well and I was feeling very positive as I was snuggled up in bed with both my kids telling me You're the bestest mummy in the world. The kind of phrase that makes you feel loved and doing a good job! Unfortunately some of the usual problems soon reared there ugly head and I was scooping the poop off the laminate floor...


I really found it amusing watching my kids going hell for leather on the Wii Family Fitness Trainer game. They had no idea what they were doing but were very competitive! Unfortunately 3 year old did not like losing some of the matches and dissolved into tears so it was time to turn off the Wii. We switched to playing the Very Hungry Caterpillar game. Trying to stop the cheating was interesting but we all enjoyed it until the 3 year old lost! Luckily kids took themselves out in the garden at this point...


A friend then popped around to pick up a surplus PC and some old kids games. All part of Operation Downsize which seems to be going slowly! After lunch the lucky eBayer who bought the Happy Land set came to collect so that's more space and the kids have some more spending money. By this point O is bouncing off the sofa and has yet again presented me with a package in his pants...


So spotting that the sun had finally come out I suggested a trip to the park. It always amazes me how stressful it can be to get 2 small people out for a fun trip ... Any way despite O's attempt to run across a zebra crossing without looking we made it to the park. E had asked to bring the bubble kit down so I chilled out blowing bubbles for O to catch whilst E climbed around.

We just made it to the cafe as it was closing for the kids to have the obligatory ice cream and me a hot chocolate. Then we discovered that the park closes it's loos at 4 leaving E desperately trying to find enough cover for a sneaky pee! It was a lovely spring afternoon and the park was heaving so why do they shut the loos well before dusk?

We bumped into another mum from nursery and her lad so the boys played football whilst we gossiped. Then E & O managed to fall out as she pinched his ball. They were friends again within 2 minutes and O got upset if E didn't hold his hand - the joys of siblings!

I think the park must have made for a nice calm evening as we had a relaxed tea whilst watching Monsters Inc and then O went to bed like a dream. He even shock horror asked to get back on the loo to do a poo. Much hugs and congratulations over that. Then to top it all he managed to get his own PJs on which has been another battle ground. Story & kisses and he was off without protest...

Big girl time was nearly a disaster as we heard a worrying noise from dining room and discovered NIbbles had once again escaped from her cage! Luckily she had dropped off the table straight into a waste paper bin and was easily retrieved. She & E had a lovely time on the sofa until it was bed time. Another smooth bedtime for my big girl leaving me free to finish the chores.

I thought at one point today that it was the kind of day that might reduce me to tears. But the simple pleasures in the park of blowing bubbles seemed to resolve the problems between O & I. Not counting my chickens but here's hoping that 1) he decides that keeping mummy happy is his best option and 2) I can crack his toilet training...

Getting back in control

I realise that, understandably, I probably haven't been as strict a parent as I need to be over the last 6 months. My kids have taken advantage of this and I need to get back to being the only boss in this house!


My 3 year old has lulled me into babying him to get attention. He can get partly dressed by himself but I've been doing it for speed, at nursery he is expected to sort out more of his own clothing. Sometimes I've spoon fed him a meal to get him to eat when he is perfectly capable of doing it himself. I think his toilet training issues are also just him getting me to have to do things for him. There is also the issue of him getting into my bed in the night leaving me with less sleep.


So I have to put my foot down and get him back to where he was for both our sakes.I have started returning him to his own bed when he appears in mine, this seems to be working as I've had more child free nights! The dressing thing may take longer as sometimes there isn't time to get him to do it... I know I need to allow more time with a 3 year old..


Toileting seems to be improving and I just need to stay on the ball to remind him to go. The potty is almost permanently in the front room but its better than puddles & piles of poo! He does seem to react well to stickers and positive praise. Let's hope we are on the home leg on this one.


He has been less aggressive and destructive but still finds it hard to share me with his sister or the telephone or any major task! I'm sure he will just grow out of this with plenty of quality time to make up for the rest!

As for my 6 year old she has definitely turned into a right bossy boots and doesn't like to listen to me. I have to really put my foot down to get my way and sometimes even then she goes behind my back and does it any way! One battleground is the TV in my bedroom which I regularly find her watching without permission. I keep hiding the power control but I am going to have to remove the TV as the only way to ensure she can't watch TV whenever she wants.

She thinks she can do lots of tasks which are actually beyond her. I have to strictly enforce the rules on which kitchen appliances she can use - coffee machine & toaster - everything else is forbidden. At other times she reverts to babyish behaviour and asks me to do simple tasks for her. The joys of 6 years of age and not sure whether to grow up fast or be babied!


She is very loving and brings me breakfast in bed most weekends! I am very proud of the fact she is doing brilliantly at school and won her poetry recital class at their Eistedfodd (got to watch the repeat tomorrow morning!). With her I just need to keep her focussed on things that she can do and enforce the rules on the things she shouldn't.

I have two gorgeous children and compared to many they are little angels. I just hope for all our sakes I can retake the upper hand!

One of those days - again?

Josie at Sleep is for the Weak how did you know I needed to write one of these kind of blog posts when looking at this week's workshop....

Judging by the number of times I've started a tweet with aargh today it has definitely been one of those days...

We are all still in post holiday meltdown mode as we are all missing parents/grandparents and all the other family we enjoyed having with us and sharing the load over the long weekend. My kids are more whingey, whiny, argumentative and pains in the bum than normal and today I'm tearing my hair out...

It all started well with kisses & cuddles in bed and a lazy late get up. Then E starts to be picked on by O who has a nasty tendency to pull his big sister's hair out. Separation leaving her in bed watching TV and me plus small downstairs for breakfast. He then finds a leftover chocolate cookie and spreads crumbs all over the place, even with the supplied plate as he shakes crumbs off onto the floor...

At some point he does his first wee accident and gets clean pants on. Then I have finally persuaded E to help change her bed so leave him playing downstairs... I come down after 10 mins to nasty whiff and him pantless and looking guilty. He has wet his pants and taken them off and then pooped on the carpet and rubbed it in with the shoe box we were using to store Playmobil... Upstairs to clean him up and then downstairs to clean carpet.

This when I get some much needed me time on laptop with a coffee whilst it sounds all peaceful upstairs. The kids come down with O in big sister's Sleeping Beauty dress and make-up... Things could be looking up .... until they go back upstairs.... Sounds of big sis washing little brother's hair so it can have spikes in it.... He appears downstairs with nothing on but some black makeup on his face (& buttocks) and spiky hair. Upstairs I go to get him dressed and discover MY makeup box on their bedroom floor...

Right I think lets feed them that should be relaxing. All starts well until O upends his water on sister's plate and other things. Naughty step treatment fails miserably as he keeps giggling and returning... Finally finish lunch and contemplate lovely latte from Tassimo machine - BUT - it says it needs descaling - BUT - it won't operate descaling cycle - 20 minutes later I get a coffee...

Out in hall with E when a trickle comes down the gap of the stairs as O pees on landing through gap...

AARGH can I have a better day tomorrow - please??

A mixed first week back...

Well the family all seem to have survived our first week back at work/school/nursery this week even if we are all tired and have nearly all picked up some injuries during it!! (O had head collision in soft play, E cut her toe & hit her head at school, I cut my finger). Glad I only do a 3 day week as not sure I could have coped with more and the kids are shattered and so played up nicely at bedtime.

I have started each of them on a reward chart to try and encourage good behaviour etc. So far they have a star each for being good at school. Hoping to discourage the bed hopping by offering stickers for children staying in their own beds until at least 6:30 - not sure how long it will take...

The decluttering is moving on with the computer chair gone and some big piles being picked up tomorrow. Need to keep everything flowing so that we get somewhere this time. We have agreed that anything eBay'd will go into a family fund for a treat for all of us. Makes it fair as a lot of it will be old toys the kids have been given that we may or may not have bought...

Placed another order for stock from Usborne and arranged a catalogue launch party for the end of the month. One of my schools are interested in the catalogue as they have some funds for books. Just need to get out there and be a bit more pushy... without alienating all my friends (or upsetting my boss!) and get a recruit or 2! Hopefully the sponsorship events at school will help and people have given me other ideas too.... 

I am pleased that my blogging seems to be improving and I have enjoyed reading the Blogs of Note and have added a couple to my following! Let's hope they inspire me to share my life on a regular basis with the www :-)