#CountryKids with Single With Kids camping at Wicksteed Park #WhateverTheWeather

Over the bank holiday we were down in Kettering on another Single With Kids camp. We had heard it was one of the best camps and so had been looking forward to it since booking in May! That may have had something to do with the fact that there is a small theme park on the site. After a horrendous bank holiday Friday drive we arrived to bright sunshine and pitched our tent in the rally field with the other families:

On the first night there were only about 30 families in the camp and most of us joined in the campfire fun after dark. This was my daughter topping the human pyramid:

Saturday morning dawned rather grey and with a rubbish forecast. We made sure everything was all secure before we set off to use our discounted wristbands in the theme park:

The Dating Game #3Dates3Mths

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The nice people at Just Singles have challenged a few of us single bloggers to try and get ourselves 3 dates in the next 3 months! They appreciate it how hard it can be as a single parent to get out dating so they want us to try 3 different methods - 1 each month - to see if any of them bear fruit.

First up I will be making use of the free membership they have given us on their site. A chance to browse the selection of fellas who are looking for the right woman! There do seem to be quite a variety to chat with online and maybe meet up with...

For the second month I'm planning on seeing if a 1 month gym membership at a local gym can produce anything other than a slimmer more toned me! I will have to go and check out a couple of the choices of gym first though to see which one I fancy trying....

The question is what to try for month 3? If you have any constructive ideas as to where the nice available men hang out in South Lakeland then let me know! Maybe on a one day course or a beer festival or an art exhibition - I need your inspiration...

Time for a change?

One of the big problems about being a lone parent with younger children is that finding work that fits into their requirements and needs isn't always easy. Having moved to Cumbria to be nearer family I discovered that most of the jobs advertised where completely unsuitable as in retail, tourism and care work they all want flexibility with evening and weekend work. If you haven't got access to childcare at these times then these jobs are a no go.

It just about leaves working in the education sector with mostly term time only hours. Most of these vacancies such as teaching assistants or school admin have an awful lot of applicants as there are many mums (mostly) seeking family friendly work. I was very lucky a couple of years ago to be successful in getting a job in a local secondary school even if its only 20 hours a week.

Whilst I get plenty of job satisfaction working with young people I am not earning enough to get us off needing top ups in the form of Housing Benefit etc. It does also worry me what will happen to me as my children get older if I am not earning a decent salary. Also I am not using much of the skills I spent 4 years acquiring at university...

In the past I had contemplated training as a teacher but this was a logisitical impossibility as the courses were all too far away to juggle children's childcare etc. However the school I work at is going to be offering Schools Direct training from this September. It will all be based in my local town or close by so its doable.

So I have bitten the bullet and spoken to the co-ordinator who told me I needed to get some in class experience at both keystage 1 and keystage 2 before I can apply. With a short time frame I spoke to my children's school. They have agreed that I can spend time in class from next week for rest of the half term! 

I will be 44 this October so still have time to start a new career (especially if government keep raising state pension age!). So a new year and change of direction? Obviously the course wouldn't start until September but I need to apply and hopefully get an interview. Then if successful I would need to apply for funding... apparently there is extra help for lone parents but its a big leap to leave a job and take this chance!

Watch this space...

This is how scared I feel!

Top Tips for a Single Parent Christmas Day from OneSpace.org.uk

Make Christmas Yours

1. First and foremost, DO NOT believe that everyone else in the world is enjoying a cosy family Christmas around a log fire. They aren’t.
2. This is the year to create new family traditions with your children. Get them to make or choose new decorations and then have fun decking the tree as a family.
3. Go out with the children and get holly and ivy and frame your photos or doorframes. Make the house look magical for your children.
4. On Christmas morning have a small treat just for you, next to your bed to wake up to.
5. Open the stockings all together snuggled on your bed.
6. Put on Christmas music and dance around the bedroom in your pyjamas just celebrating the day.
7. Treat yourself to your favourite breakfast – bacon & eggs, salmon & cream cheese bagels, pancakes
8. You might consider going to your local church for the morning service. Sing along to all your favourite hymns.
9. Consider inviting other single parent friends over for lunch. A family is what you make it.
10. Remember you’re not alone. If you need a bit of support or a boost on the day then chat to the other single mothers in the forums at onespace.org.uk, they’re a very friendly lot!

Can you add any more?

Tips from other single parents from our forums:

“I am going to eat chocolate on Christmas morning with my girls and then put the Mamma Mia CD on very loudly and dance around the Christmas tree”

“Every year I allow C to open one present Christmas Eve, we play board games too, all over the Christmas period. Even though there's just the two of us, I peel the vegs the night before, so I don't miss anything with him Christmas morning.”

“We camp out in the living room”

“What we like to do on Christmas Day is wear our favourite clothes that we don't usually wear - you know, the little black dress that you love but never get the chance to wear, or the really hideous top that is at the back of the wardrobe, but you can't bear to throw away because, well just because!!”

“Christmas Eve they get new pjs to open, we watch Xmas films have some nice treats to eat, leave carrots for rudolf we make 'Santa dust' To sprinkle before they go to bed its glitter, sugar whatever iv got it helps Santa find hos way to us, they each have a stocking they hang that at the end of their bed”

“each year we buy or make a new tree decoration to add to it” 

“Food shopping I cover by saving all my clubcard points from Tesco and Sainsbury and using them towards that cost”.

For more advice and support go to OneSpace.org.uk

How to introduce your new partner to your kids

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If you’ve met someone new and feel ready for things to move to the next level, it might be time to think about introducing them to your children. As with many situations which occur after divorce, introducing a new partner to your kids brings with it a specific set of challenges to prepare for.

Being mindful of the following points could help you along the way.

Make sure you’re ready

Before introducing your new love to your children, stop and take stock. Are you sure this new relationship will be long term? Do you want this person to be part of your family? You may also need to discuss this with your partner first. Are they ready to play an active part in your children’s lives?

Your children may still be smarting from the break-up and it’s important to give them time to get used to their parents being apart. Introducing a new partner can raise all sorts of fears and anxieties and, if it’s too soon, they’ll be less likely to accept the new situation.

Make room for everyone

While your children’s happiness should come first, if your new relationship is serious, your partner will have a place in your life too. Talk to them about how they feel about becoming part of your children’s lives.

If they have children of their own, they will also need time and support to get used to the new situation. When families come together, it can be a wonderful thing but there will always be a period of readjustment.

Be sure about your partner

Has your partner shown enthusiasm about meeting your children? Do they want children of their own or would they like to have them in their life? When you first meet someone through friends or websites such as eHarmony.co.uk, the subject of kids may not come up straight away. However, as the relationship gets more serious, it’s advisable to ensure that you’re both on the same page.

Keep it simple

For the first meeting, try to keep things casual. You can’t force anyone to like anyone else, and it’s best to keep things relaxed.

An outing to the park, or a group setting with friends will take the pressure off and allow your new partner and your children to get to know each other.

Try not to show too much physical affection to your new partner during the first meeting. Give your kids a chance to get used to them first.

Dating after a divorce can be tricky but as things get more serious, there are plenty of ways to make things comfortable for everyone. Make sure it’s love, go slow and your children will see how happy your new partner has made you and they’ll want to accept them too.

iamtired.com

Sometimes you really know you have been overdoing things when you want to go to bed before your children! Its been an incredible couple of weeks but think I am approaching burn out..

We have enjoyed some fantastic days out as a family: Kendal Festival of Food, a trip to Manchester Museum of Science and Industry, walking more as a family and on my own in all weathers.  These have all been fabulous but they all take out a lot of energy. An almost full day out and about on Mother's Day (as part of our 5 miles that day) was fun but knackering too:

On top of that I am increasing my training runs for the Star Walk 10 k run which I am really enjoying but its stretching my endurance and stamina. Having that 30 minutes or so of being out on my own on the roads (albeit with friendly faces to wave at en route) is a lovely break in my day though!

This week my back up childcare plan and football class takers have been away so I have been doing everything with both children in tow. Its been rushing everywhere as the walking has reduced the gaps between events. 

Today I started a 3 day first aid course for work which is a full day instead of my usual half day. So we are all having to leave the house 15 minutes earlier than normal so that my children can be dropped off to be taken to school. 

Housework is being kept to a minimum due to lack of time and energy but of course its not being done by anyone else so I need to catch up soon! I am glad I did the charity walk but next time I need to do it when the rest of my life is a lot less manic... Right now I am only still up as I've only been able to out the washing machine on at about 8:30 so I have to wait for it to finish to hang it up to dry!

I am so looking forward to my Saturday lie in and I am not doing anything outside the home but I will have to catch up on all that housework.... Do you ever feel like you have taken on too much?

Exercise and the single parent

I was asked last week how I was finding time as a single mum to exercise and get in shape whilst bringing up 2 children. It's certainly a juggling act and nowhere as easy as the days when I was single and child-free. Back then I could easily get to a weekly exercise class and if a mate wanted me to make up the numbers for a badminton game I could just go. I wasn't all that fit or anything but I was exercising every week.

Then baby number one came along. Suddenly if I wanted to do anything someone else had to mind the baby. My then husband was never home in time from work for me to get to an evening exercise class. Any time we went swimming I was pushing her around in a baby float seat and not really swimming at all. Not surprisingly I gained quite a bit of weight before I had baby number 2.

Life then got extra complicated as there were 2 little ones to entertain or to get someone else to take of. Exercise was limited to running around in the park or long walks. Then I became a single parent and had even less free time! For a short while I managed to get to a special aerobics class for mums at our local soft play centre run by the health authority. I could workout and my son could play safely watched by a member of staff.

Once I moved up to nearer my parents things have got easier for 2 reasons. Firstly my parents are willing to baby sit once a week so that I can get to my Rosemary Conley class. At first this was during the day whilst my my dad entertained my pre-schooler and now its an evening class as I work every afternoon. Its a nightmare when they are away as I have to miss my workout! The second reason is that we can often get out on walks, bike rides and swims as a foursome or fivesome. This means that we get a better chance of getting some decent exercise ourselves whilst the children are safe and having fun too.

Now I'm working every afternoon I am having to squeeze in exercise around the times that my children are at school and I'm not working. I have tried using the Wii or a DVD after they have gone to bed but this results in a very late night! Though its been ages since I did a Wii Just Dance workout with the children.. So on a couple of days a week in the morning I am fitting in either a run or a salsa class. Of course the other things that need doing in this free time such as housework end up taking a back seat...

At the weekend I am trying to find ways of exercising with the children. As yet they aren't both competent enough swimmers for me to go to the pool with both of them and leave them to their own devices whilst I do some lengths. If I get there with my daughter on her own then I can do a few. So I need to find things we can do together. This is why I invested in a cheap adult scooter so we can all be out together. I am on a pretty similar learning level to my son though my daughter is much faster than the pair of us!

Then there is my new running regime which needs 3 runs a week with gaps for breaks. The only way I can fit this in to take my children out with for 30 minutes on a Saturday or a Sunday... So today I got them on their scooters and we headed towards town. We did have a few snags along the way. Firstly my daughter scoots much faster than her little brother and the gap between them got wider and wider. I had to keep going back on the route to let him catch up with me. Then she went so far ahead she took a wrong turning and I had to chase after her to get her back to the right place. Turned out she had as usual ignored my instructions about using the loo before leaving home so we had to find a route that included a usable toilet (couldn't let her do a Paula Radcliffe!). So it was a mixed bag as a workout. Looks like I need to find somewhere that I can run around in circles whilst the children are safely contained in a space such as a park.

If anyone has tips of how to fit in exercise to family life please share with me!

Single With Kids Xmas Party Weekend at Hargate Hall

First of all a big thank you to Chrissie at Single With Kids for inviting me along to this Christmas weekend with my children. I have been wanting to try out one their single parent holidays for a while now and this was too good an opportunity to miss!


The weekend guest list included about 35 children and their parents. The setting was Hargate Hall at Wormhill in Derbyshire which is a converted country house that is now holiday apartments with some communal areas. My children and I were very excited as we drove up a twisting country road in the dark and saw the lights of the house ahead. 

Single Parent Holidays

Before I got married and had children I used go on holiday with family or friends and never had a go on one of the single person specialist trips. I had considered it but was never brave enough!


Now I'm a single parent with 2 young children going on holiday throws in a whole new dimension. Most holiday packages are set-up for the "standard" family mum, dad and 2-3 children. The prices reflect this with rooms being based on cost of 2 adults and then children are "free". The other downside is that it always seems that everyone else are couples with kids and people ask where "daddy" (or mummy) is. Not a recipe for a relaxing time.


A few months ago I started tweeting with the lovely Chrissie from Single With Kids holidays. These are the "largest provider of single parent breaks in the UK" and organise a variety of weekends in the UK and trips abroad for single parents and their children. As they block book the holidays are cheaper than going solo and also you know that you will be with families in a similar situation to your own.

It's hard at the weekend

not that it's easy during the week but single parenting at the weekend is a whole new level..


It seems that everywhere you go when you are out that everyone else is in nice little family units of mum & dad plus kids - this may not be the case but it looks that way! From Monday to Friday the things I do tend to be just mum's or the occasional dad or grandparent. Compact family units don't do school runs or toddler groups on the whole...


My kids have to cope with each other's company for 12 hours solid. They can go for about an hour of playing nicely together and then one or other of the upsets the other. We end up with shouting & fighting and usually someone needing a cold compress. I can leave them playing together but as soon as I pop to the loo or go to get a meal ready WW3 breaks out in the other room.


If I try and take turns at giving each of them some undivided mummy time the 3 year old doesn't get the fact that his big sister is allowed to have mummy to herself for a few minutes each day. So it ends up with her only getting me to herself after he has supposedly gone to bed - and even then he keeps coming back for more.


When we go out for a treat its a real minefield. I can't trust them to be left on their own at a table whilst I go and order drinks etc., if one needs the loo we all have to go. Yesterday I finally caved in to little ones request to go on the dodgems. This meant I have to leave a screaming 6 year old watching from the side as neither child is tall enough to go on without a grown up. Needless to say we won't be repeating that one! They each have to take turns watching the other one do something whilst I hold their hand. This is when their age gap stands out more as they want to do different things.


If another grown up is around it is so much easier as we can divide and conquer. I can catch 15 minutes of me time to draw breath. I can also let my poor 6 year old have time with me without her little brother butting in and causing chaos.


We do have fun and I love spending time with my kids but I look forward to weekdays when I don't have them both all day and it's much more relaxing. Here's hoping that the Incredible Years parenting course I've started will help both me & the kids learn to have fun with out all the aggro!

See we do have fun together!

It isn't all bad but I wish it was a lot less stressful...

7 great things about being a single parent....

1. All the kids' cuddles are just for me
2. I get the bed all to myself except for little people
3. It's me that is there for all the milestones & memorable moments
4. I can bring them up how I want and not follow someone else's rules
5. I can teach them my values and not be contradicted
6. I don't have to worry that someone else isn't doing their fair share of child care
7. Extra kisses from my little angels

If you can think of more then please comment!