It seems that everywhere you go when you are out that everyone else is in nice little family units of mum & dad plus kids - this may not be the case but it looks that way! From Monday to Friday the things I do tend to be just mum's or the occasional dad or grandparent. Compact family units don't do school runs or toddler groups on the whole...
My kids have to cope with each other's company for 12 hours solid. They can go for about an hour of playing nicely together and then one or other of the upsets the other. We end up with shouting & fighting and usually someone needing a cold compress. I can leave them playing together but as soon as I pop to the loo or go to get a meal ready WW3 breaks out in the other room.
If I try and take turns at giving each of them some undivided mummy time the 3 year old doesn't get the fact that his big sister is allowed to have mummy to herself for a few minutes each day. So it ends up with her only getting me to herself after he has supposedly gone to bed - and even then he keeps coming back for more.
When we go out for a treat its a real minefield. I can't trust them to be left on their own at a table whilst I go and order drinks etc., if one needs the loo we all have to go. Yesterday I finally caved in to little ones request to go on the dodgems. This meant I have to leave a screaming 6 year old watching from the side as neither child is tall enough to go on without a grown up. Needless to say we won't be repeating that one! They each have to take turns watching the other one do something whilst I hold their hand. This is when their age gap stands out more as they want to do different things.
If another grown up is around it is so much easier as we can divide and conquer. I can catch 15 minutes of me time to draw breath. I can also let my poor 6 year old have time with me without her little brother butting in and causing chaos.
We do have fun and I love spending time with my kids but I look forward to weekdays when I don't have them both all day and it's much more relaxing. Here's hoping that the Incredible Years parenting course I've started will help both me & the kids learn to have fun with out all the aggro!
See we do have fun together!
It isn't all bad but I wish it was a lot less stressful...
I sometimes joke that I feel like a single mum sometimes - my husband has an hour's commute and leaves early and generally gets home late - however, I know deep down that this is in no way close to what it must be like to be a "real" single parent.
ReplyDeleteBringing up kids is hard, and I have real respect for single parents, who don't have that extra pair of hands easily available.
You sound like a strong, capable mother that is doing an excellent job. x
It is so hard when you are outnumbered. Good fir you for taking them out regardless though, I bet they really appreciate it and will remember the fun, not the frazzled mum.
ReplyDeleteI used to be only single handed Mon-Fri but at weekends I had some help from hubby. Although for 5 years every other w/e we had my step kids to stay which wasn't exactly relaxing!!
ReplyDeleteI am moving 350 miles to be near my parents so that I do have a couple of extra pair of hands around. Full marks to those who have survived for years on their own with no extra hands.
It must be tough not having anyone else to take the strain. Like JulieB my children hardly see their dad in the week because he's out of the house 12-13 hours a day. However it's nice when he can share some of the childcare at the weekend. We're rarely one of those happy families on a day out though, there's usually at least one child screaming about something. Then we argue about how to deal with it. It must feel non-stop for you at times, when you're children are older I'm sure they'll appreciate what you do for them.
ReplyDeleteI meant 'your' children not you're children. Duh!
ReplyDeleteI'll let you off your typo Emily after you lovely comment x
ReplyDeleteStopping by from the Lady Blogger's Tea Party, Loved your blog! I'm your newest follower!
ReplyDeleteHun I feel exactly the same at weekends. During the week you can mainly get away with it. Its rare to be confronted with these family units but at weekends theres no escaping. I've been known not to leave the house at a weekend! Thats how bad they make me feel lol.
ReplyDeleteFrom a fellow single mummy who can completely emphasize with you!