After some previously stressy posts such as worrying about my kids and having to deal with vicious comments from other people last week I thought I was turning the corner on this divorce and single motherhood thing...
I was feeling a lot bouncier and positive and getting a decent night's sleep. Things were moving in the right direction. The big downsize mission was moving on nicely with 8 bags of clothes donated to charity and at least 1 bin load of useless stuff had been removed. My friend Suzanne is a life saver and comes round once a week to do a little de-clutter mission. So all starting to look better and I was feeling better...
... then came last weekend. It started going downhill with the table top sale from hell. I had my kids "helping" to set-up. This involved E deciding how everything should be laid out and O deciding that several toys needed rescuing or playing with. Then it transpired that O had a poorly bottom and needed several emergency clothes changes. Things would have been fine if I'd actually sold enough to cover the cost of the table.. I was so stressed by it all I thought I'd have a nice relaxing meal in Sainsbury's to recover.... wrong... my kids misbehaved getting me all those looks from the older generation that signal disapproval - well they were tired and despite the snacks I'd taken they were hungry. Turns out that someone spotted me that only vaguely knows me and she felt sorry for me!
Sunday started off well with nice trip for E to shoot her longbow at Bodiam Castle with the Medieval Siege Society . This was her first competition and with only 3 in her class she was guaranteed a prize. Unfortunately I mistakenly told her they won Easter Eggs. Despite her longbow breaking in round 3 she did really well with a borrowed bow and deserved to win a prize even if only 3rd. By then I'd realised Easter Eggs were raffle prizes not archery prizes so bought tickets. As the prizes were won E got closer and closer to the table until there was only 1 egg left to win.... when another child won she burst into tears and I had to promise to buy her one on the way home. As the kids were tired after full day out I thought a quick pit-stop in the NT cafe would be a good idea - how wrong could I be... There was a major screaming tantrum from E over sharing a cake with little brother (there was only a little choice left in the cafe). They screamed at each other being bloody idiots and how much E hated O. I apologised to the nearest table having once again picked up nasty looks from around the cafe. Turns out they were relieved it wasn't their kids who had had to be removed from the gift shop for tantrums!
Things have been more relaxed since the weekend but the fact that the kids have both taken to getting in my bed in the night again - especially O - means I'm lacking a good night's sleep again. I know that tiredness doesn't help me get through things feeling positive so I hope I can get O to stay in bed. O has also been quite vicious towards his sister and she is losing a lot of hair to his pulling and biting.
The downer of failing to sell the kid's Happyland on eBay hasn't helped either. I did my market research but have had to try again. I just a) want less stuff in the house b) want the kids to have some money saved for when they need things in future and I can't afford it.
Hopefully this is all just a temporary set-back and by next week I'll be in a better frame of mind.